Nine months on July 10, 2009

Dear Raeann,

How I love the breath of this month!

Brief interludes of rain amidst the mild sunshine, long conversations in bed, milestones piling up like toy bricks in a bucket. No wonder they say babies grow the fastest. Are you nine months already, my dear?

Nine months ago, the days and nights blurred into loud cries and soft yawns, with Mommy reduced to a translucent slob, drained of colour. But more often than not, confetti moments filled up our days. I remember looking down at your small face, and getting amused by the fine, downy hairs on your forehead (a hairy Auyong, just like Daddy and Mommy!). Over the months, you guzzled down whatever you can suckle, and showed off your double chin in its chubby glory. We used to also laugh at how you cry – more of little girly whines, really.

Nine months on, you have spatters of stains on your rompers, smattering of babbles echoing through the homeland. You go ‘meh meh meh meh meh‘ when you see food. You like to let go of all support and stand on your own, only to fall thud on your bum seconds later. You grab your sippy cup and drink like there’s no tomorrow, with streams of water wetting your cute romper. You sleep faithfully in your crib from 8pm to 7 am, and wake up singing ‘meh meh meh‘. You like to remove your socks, pull them taut, give a pout, then smile.

I laugh so hard, but at the same time, the ache in my heart spread. A big part of me wants you to be a baby always. My baby.

With the nasty H1N1 virus making its way fast and furious on our little island, we’ve been keeping you indoors quite a bit. But you still got to swim, take a stroll in the park (ok, it was for our family photoshoot with Uncle Gideon), enjoy a night’s stay at the Changi Village Hotel for our wedding anniversary. As long as you’ve food and Daddy and Mommy, you’re one happy camper. We so love that about you.

And the way you dawdle without a care in the world. The way you stick your finger out to touch Buddy in the brib. The way you hit your palms on the dining table and go ‘thud thud thud’ when you’re hungry. The way you break into the most cheeky of smiles when you see Gor Gor Latte in the mornings. The way you grab tags on clothes and keep yourself entertained. The way you curl your little fingers round mine when you breastfeed.

You’re my Walt Disney love. A little being woven into my heart. I’m besotted, smitten, head over heels in love with you. Just because.

Happy nine, Raeann. I’m just so blessed you’re mine.

Love,

Your teary-eyed Mommy

Three in love July 1, 2009

Photo by Gideon.

It seems so long ago.

Three years ago, I walked down the aisle, my palms wet, and my heart leapt. I wanted to savour the walk as the bride, but I also wanted to run to him and say ‘I do’. Now, I still do.

Three years ago, there wasn’t the conflated terms of ‘mommy’ and ‘wifey’. I was the newly-minted wife, the best friend, the classmate, the colleague, the everything-has-to-be-country-and-pretty one. I still am those, only now I’m also the mommy to our little missy.

Three years of good night kisses. Three years of twiddling the wedding band. Three years of you-cook-I-wash, I-cook-you-wash rituals. Three years of pink walls and brown wood. Three years of freshly brewed coffee in the mornings. Three years of taking turns to water the greens, and competing over whose plants are doing better.  Three years of random song-and-dance in the days and in the nights. Three years of saying ‘I love you’ and meaning it. Three years, three beautiful, magical years of being your missus. (And five years holding your hands.)

Happy three years, dear.

And there’s three of us now. Who says three’s a crowd?

Sitting high June 29, 2009

My world comes to a standstill when she smiles.

Her expansive smile.

This is the little girl that my heart beats for.

This weekend June 21, 2009

This must be Missy Raeann’s busiest weekend to date.

It started with a double date with the October babies. The mommies had coffee and smoothies, the babies had bites and got all drooly. We were quite a sight, I must say. Till the next date, and I really can’t wait!

Then she went swimming! Finally! She was Little Miss Sunshine that day. Scarlet glow. Big hugs. Infectious chuckles. I expected her to feel clueness, or even afraid, but she was totally cool in the water. Oblivious actually.

Then Daddy came and whisked her away from the float for some much needed exercise after a heavy tea of baby bites, organic rusks and breast milk.

What’s swimming without a taste of the water? She had multiple gulps of the mineral water at the Club. Oh my funny baby.

And we had the most awesome company of Adrian, Xinyun and their Mister David. Every date with this lovely family is delightful. I think of food, laughter, magic (you two know what I mean!) and all things nice and homey. Thank you guys, for yet another great day out.

The missy’s now sleeping, maybe even dreaming, after a fabulous day of photoshoot with Gideon, our wedding photographer turned friend. Sun-splashed afternoon. Inky black hair. Pulled-out socks. Almond-shaped eyes. Pooping in Canopy.

I’m so blissed out.

And so tired.

Socked June 18, 2009

The cutest socks from the chic mommy-to-be! And a lovely cheery note that made my heart leap. The mailbox was full that day with my online purchases for the baby and me. But nothing beats a parcel sent with love. Thanks, babe, thank you!

Not just a slice of cake June 14, 2009

Because of Missy Raeann’s early bedtime, this mommy hasn’t been out in the evenings for more than half a year. I haven’t been moping about the loss of spontaneity in the nights, but there are times I so wish I could be out there, watching the streetlights cast a fuzzy glow on the sidewalks.

Last night, the huddy joined the Kohs for a late night tea at The Cookie Museum. The sweet couple very thoughtfully bought me a lemon steamed cake with lavender flowers. I love lemon, I love lavender, I love cakes! Of heady lemony scent, this cake was glorious (albeit a little dry because I left it in the fridge to eat for breakfast this morning), and just perfect for a Sunday morning breakfast with lemonade sloshing up and down the side of my glass.

Thank you guys, for thinking of me.

Staying home June 13, 2009

It was supposed to be a swim date with the Kohs today. As luck would have it, the huddy got a recall back to the army, just as we were able to step out of the house. So there goes a beautiful day out.

I haven’t felt this disappointed in a while. This flip-flop in my heart. And so I look for cheer-uppers, and found these.

Snapshots of Latte boy and Missy Raeann. Missy settled on a nice neat routine (two naps a day, one-half hours each, bedtime at 8-8.30pm, three meals of solids, four milk feeds). A dear dear dear friend homeward-bound in four days. Chocolate swirl pound cake with lemonade. New onesies for the Missy on the way to the mailbox. A vintagey ring from the huddy. Drippy, cooler day. A long warm bath with the Missy.

No pool, we’ll make do.

Eight, oh Missy June 10, 2009

Hey baby,

It hasn’t been an easy month for us, with the cold bug’s residency in the homeland. But this month, my baby, you truly amazed me with your tenacity. A mosaic of memories for a month of manic meltdowns. And in between it all, there is still much love and confetti moments. My girl, here are eight things I so love about you::

One:: You don’t let anything hobble you. Not even the eeky mucus that blocked your nose. You ate your solids, drank your milk, and continued to leopard crawl while the mucus formed two straight thick lines down your nose.

Two:: In the darkness of the night, you woke up to find Mommy for comfort sucking. And you hugged me, your two short baby hands barely reaching my back. If you had seen the wet streak of tears on my cheeks, would you have rubbed them dry for me?

Three:: You seem to love Latte as much as Mommy does. I watch you lean forward, hold out your right hand, as if beckoning Latte to come. And you are always tickled when Latte boy sniffs or licks your hand. I can’t get enough of the look on your face, my baby. That half-closed right eye in anticipation of Latte’s lick. That edged-up grin. That missy-ish giggle. B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.

Four:: These mornings, you wake up in your cot and quietly tug at Buddy’s tail. When you get bored, you stand up and look between the cot railings. And when you see us sit up, blurry-eyed, you smile and give a loud ‘AH’. That’s when I float up like soap bubbles, light and dreamy.

Five:: You love your solids, you love your milk. It makes me feel like a wonderchef. And looking at your thighs, I know you are eating wonderfully well.

Six:: The second night when you were ill, you puked thrice because of the nasty cough that Mommy passed on to you. We changed your jammies and the sheets, the homeland smelling awful of sour milk. And you, my dear missy, you waited patiently for Mommy. I can’t bear to recall the three days of intense fatigue, but I’m ever so thankful for your gentle nature even when you are ill.

Seven:: You’ve got a new bumper playmat, new bath toys, new organic food, new bibs. Next up, a new carrier and a new table. Like all unknowing babies, you are never fazed by the fanciful consumerism. All you want is a playmate like Daddy to make you chuckle from inside out.

Eight:: Those squeals of yours. I wish I could bottle them up in a jar, label it “A Happy Jar”, embellish it with a pokka-dotted ribbon and place it into the treasure chest that I’m putting together for you. You are so full of happiness, patience, sweetness and love. My Little Miss Sunshine, you are.

Missy Raeann, if you do get to read this blog when you grow up, be proud of yourself. You’ve been just about the best-est girl I could ever ask for. I love you, baby. LOVE.

Forehead kisses,

Mommy

Just another day June 4, 2009

I opened the door this morning to a surprisingly balmy weather. Hello June.

So today we decided to stay home. I couldn’t take anymore of Missy Raeann in my pouch. She has taken such a strong liking to it, she wouldn’t sit in her stroller. My back, my back.

I let myself ooze into the couch while the huddy and the baby take an afternoon siesta. Outside, the children in the playschool are singing. Our cream sheer curtains move like gentle waves in the light June breeze. Latte watches me, then nods off to sleep under the white wicker bench.  With a mug of icy cold lemonade (with grapefruit pulp!), a cranberry cream cheese bun and a thick novel, I’m having just about the perfect home-day.

Tell me, what makes your day at home?

It’s in the little things June 3, 2009

Tonight::

Missy Raeann’s sleeping sweetly with Buddy, her new Goldie stuffie from Ikea that she picked out herself. I watch Marley and Me, with Latte at my feet. He presses his nose to mine as I sob streams of hot tears with twisted knots in my tummy. What a tremendous relief that I’m watching this at home and not at the theatre. Then the huddy returns with a warm lava chocolate cake and a punnet of vanilla ice cream. And a most touching text message that made me tear.

Nights like this heal even the most battered of souls.

Good night.

Missy Raeann Look-alike Meter May 29, 2009

Taken from Amanda’s. It’s fun!

The huddy, missy and I are all down with cough and cold. For a few nights, we’ve been tossing and turning, with the missy fussing. We’re getting better, but for now, we’re staying home. Not the best of days, but we’ll manage.

Can’t stop smiling May 22, 2009

This week is so full of confetti. Five lovely, lovely things I absolutely have to post-it::

1. The little missy crawls! For more than a month, she has been able to stand up on her own with some support. Then three weeks ago, she learnt to sit up from the lying position. Now, she does the full works, and even leopard-crawls when lured. Gadgets get her moving the quickest. She’s there in a heartbeat.

2. She sprouts her first pearly white, and she doesn’t bite! Maybe, she just hasn’t. But I would love to think she would never.

3. The first significant pay after my maternity arrives, and I shopped for loads for goodies. Just one thing for me, and everything else for everyone else. It beats spending on myself, really.

4. This afternoon, I watched the missy play with my mommy. Their eyes bright, their smiles brighter. For some reason, I felt like crying.

5. I’m going on a date with the huddy tomorrow. I’ll wear the earrings that jingle jangle when I walk and when my head bobs. I’ll wear my vintage blue-white swirly sundress. I’ll hold his hands. I’ll buy him ramen. I’ll miss my Raeann, but I know we need this break so. I’m thrilled.

Have a beautiful weekend, my friends.

After a shower May 20, 2009

My baby, you have no idea how much you mean to me.

Into the pouch she goes May 19, 2009

I don’t know how I would have survived the weekend without this Pupsik pouch.

There were gatherings, grocery shopping trips, lunches and errands to be fitted into every waking minute, and Missy Raeann was out and about like a little dancer on her toes. It doesn’t quite help that she can now go from the lying position to the sitting to the kneeling (on her own, with no assistance), and eventually to the standing position (provided there are props like the crib or our pillows). She’s adrenalized these days by her new skills!

I couldn’t keep her still in the stroller. I couldn’t get her to nap. She only wants to transform from position to position.

And the only thing that can soothe the revved-up Missy is this pretty little thing I won from the Pupsik giveaway.

That’s when the world is not so topsy-turvy, for me and missy.

That’s when I can take a swig of coffee.

That’s when she leans in close to my chest, her fingers clutching mine.

Now, she even swings her arms endearingly towards the sling when I take it out of the diaper bag. I’m getting so dependent on it I’m awfully glad it’s such a pretty one in vintage toile print. My yummy-mummy-wanna-be accessory.

It’s just not right May 14, 2009

I’m one singsongy mommy.

Diapertime, bathtime, bedtime, playtime, anytime.

And it bugs me to no end that I can’t find a decent Chinese song to sing to the missy.

Why do we glorify a song that tells children it is strange to have no eyes? Why do we other-ize? (Think San Zhi Hao Hu.)

What’s so strange about giving a dollar instead of the fifty cents’ fare? There is such a thing known as change. Or tips. (Think San Lun Che.)

And must we tell a child that being without a mother makes one stray like grass? Where is the sensitivity? (Think Ma Ma Hao.)

I feel ashamed of our Chinese songs. I really do.

Missy Raeann will not be stepping foot into any playschools that sing these discriminatory songs. And I’m prepared to give these schools a piece of my mind too.

Never let go May 12, 2009

She keeps me going.

Oh, my fluttering heart.

Can I hold on to her forever?

Postscript:: I want to wear her dresses.

Postpostscript:: Is it just me, or are her arms and thighs juicier already?

Turning seven May 10, 2009

Allo Missy Raeann,

Time has a way of fast-forwarding itself when you are at your happiest. You’ll know what I mean when you grow up. As always, this month swirled by brilliantly, albeit with some heartstopping moments that I never want to relive through.

Just five days ago, Mommy was getting your brekkie ready when I realised you weren’t on the bed! My heart fell, my mouth dropped. Then I found you tummy down on the floor, whining a little. Mommy screamed in shock, Latte barked in anxiety. And you simply smiled when I picked you up. You slid down the bed, didn’t you, you little wriggly traveller? Now the bed’s filled up with a moat of sorts to keep you safe(r). Please, my sweetie, stay.

There are times when you shake your rattles and ram them hard on your shin. You don’t seem to ache, but I so do. And there are nights when you can’t seem to sleep through, and Mommy struggles to comfort you with two eyes closed. I hear you guzzle down the milk in the dark, your hair still smelling sweet. Is this some kind of growth spurt that will make your sumo-ish thighs juicier than ever?

School has started for Mommy and Daddy, and I miss you like crazy. Three days a week, I race home with a heart full of longing. Grandma says you’ve been good, and I’m so proud of you. I know you save the sweetest smiles and loudest chuckles for us. Mommy’s got videos of you that I watch while I express my milk at school. So funny I have to laugh, but I miss you so much I want to cry. Your mommy, so needy.

Today, you turn seven months old. Today, Mommy celebrates her first Mommies’ Day. With you.

To many many more happy days, my sweet baby.

I love you.

Forehead kisses,

Mommy

Awesome 30, my huddy May 2, 2009

This PERFECT day ::

A lovely surprise birthday partea for the dearest huddy.

The homeland wrapped in balloons of blue and silver.

A very scrummy chocolate banana expresso cake.

Hot piping 126 Geylang dim sum.

His “best friends” – whisky, beer and wine.

The real best friends I can’t thank enough of -

Adrian the brudder, XY the missus, David da boy, Shuz the babe.

Two sweetest guests – Imp and her man.

My toy my toy, the ice blue KitchenAid.

And to cap off the awesome day,

The scarlet glow on his face.

Here comes the sun April 26, 2009

There is something very calming about staying in bed with muted light sneaking into the room while it is ferociously hot outside. Missy Raeann gets an icy cold teether as her popsicle, while I delighted myself with a big dollop of chocolate fudge ice cream, a glass of apple juice, a slice of durian cake (with fresh durian!) and a loaf of freshly toasted garlic bread oozing with butter goodness. Oh, it’s so decadent.

Her head smells sweet of baby sweat and hair wash. The pillow cover corners are drenched with her drool. Bold patches that say “Missy Raeann was here”. She smiles when I dance to nothing, and chuckles when I carry her in my arms to be my dance partner. We make music out of rattles, tabletops, and board books. And I make funny faces at her, with her. The things we do when no one is watching.

Outside, the sun keeps on blazing.

The warmth in the hot day April 19, 2009

These made me melt, in a good way this hot Sunday.

I’ve been waiting so long for my two babies to get together. As expected, there was a frisson of panic in the folks, but as usual, I’m one stubborn mommy who chooses to ignore lectures of bacteria/dirty/unhygienic and the like. It’s all hogwash if there isn’t evidence to back up what one is saying. I have the research results, the credible articles. I know what I’m doing, and I’ll continue to do it. My babies deserve each other. Six months has been too long a wait.

And there was freshly squeezed juice from the huddy, with thick pulp and countless ice cubes in the cup, just the way I like it. The orangey scent lingers around the sink late into the evening. I think about how lovely it would be to dig my fingers into a cold orange and feel that cool first spray on my skin. I mustn’t let the heat get to me.

It’s probably a good day to start singing “Here comes the sun” to the little missy.