To be or not to be February 6, 2010

This is my bawling-and-bursting-at-the-belly-budding-ballerina. (Cutsey tutu from Yann!)

Or would she do better as a zealous zookeeper in her little world of cuddly soft toy animals? (Another Gingersnaps treasure, this time from Alicia!)

I think she’s probably going to be a monitress one day. She makes sure everyone keeps the bells/balls at end of each session at The Little Gym – the teacher calls her ‘my pack-away crew’. She un-ruffles the floor mat, neatens it at the corners before she goes about her activities. She brings her pillow for Buddy to sleep on, and sits right next to him with her “Goodnight Moon” board-book. She has been feeding herself all her meals for the past two months, amazing us greatly with her dexterity and independence. And she comforts her fellow toddler friends by sharing her slimey toys and stroking their hair.

My missy, do you know you are such a blessing? I love love love love love love you.

Love you.

Saturday blues and greens January 25, 2010

I’m loving Marina Barrage. We were baked in the sun and blessed by the breeze, and oh-so-happy-I-can’t-breathe.

Missy, please tell me you’ll remember all the fun times we’ve had?

Serendipity January 21, 2010

The sky was endlessly blue this morning, with a benign breeze beckoning. So I dressed the missy in a chirpy blue, put on her new blue maryjanes, and off we went on a morning stroll round our lovely neighbourhood. Four of us, hand in hand, small and complete. I even took a serendipitous shot on my iphone of the charming Community Centre while trying to keep the phone out of reach of the missy. Such a happy happy morning.

Tea, a drink with jam and bread January 10, 2010

Sunday morning brunch was toast with lemon curd and raspberry jam, gifted by dear Gen. They were two jars of pure delight. Light yet flavourful, the lemon curd was a tongue teaser. Faintly sweet with a lemony punch. Beautiful. And the raspberry jam was chockful of little black seeds that I could crunch on. Nothing too sweet, just the way I like it.

I could eat these everyday. A day with coffee, another with tea. Jams and toast, reading blogs and mainlining caffeine. What’s there not to love?

F.I.F.T.E.E.N. January 10, 2010

Dear baby,

Mommy’s slipping in a post while you are having your breakfast (hooray to self-feeding!). A quick one it will be.

Missy, you turn fifteen months today. Fifteen, you know! That’s one year and three months. That’s eternity. And what a crazily good time we’ve had. Daddy and Mommy recently started a bedtime ritual of sharing our favourite memory of you for the day. We often can’t quite decide which is our one single favourite memory, so we end up recalling all that you did, and laughing ourselves to sleep.

This month, you started your first gym class. You’ve uttered a few more words. You are becoming quite a bossy young lady. And you love to do laundry.

For some reason, you are also waking up an hour earlier than usual, and Mommy is still pretty miffed at that. After a long breastfeeding session today, Mommy plonked you down on the floor while Daddy and I snoozed on. You, the sweetie, went to your crib, pulled out your cuddlies, and gave Daddy your bolster, and me, your pink polka-dotted beanie. And for the next 45 minutes, you kissed us on the lips as you walked by our heavy eyelids. Now, how very sweet is this? My toes still curl at this memory.

So you are done with brekkie before I can even finish writing. I’ll leave you with this – a big wet kiss from your very deliriously happy mommy.

Kisses and hugs,

Mommy

All in one January 6, 2010

The days have disappeared into the nights in an orangey haze. We’ve been out and about, dancing around. There were many awesome playdates, glorious catchups with friends old and new, and treasured quiet moments with my loved ones. We’ve even said hi to the animals at the zoo.

She’s such a big girl now, isn’t she?

She’s grown so, my baby. The missy is now on almost full self-feeding – I only have to sit next to her to clean up the morsels before she picks them up deftly with her fat little fingers. Oats, mash, rice, pasta, yogurt – she clears them all with her little spoon, sometimes with the big ones that we use. She keeps her toys after play. She pulls my hand to hold on to the pole when I’m in the train. She insists that I use the handrail when on the escalator. She shows me where to keep her changing mat and diapers. She sweeps my fringe to the side of my face if any strands are not in place. She knows that the sleek white iphone is mommy’s, and the glossy black is daddy’s, and she makes sure it stays this way. (Do I have an obsessive child in the making?) And oh, she calls me with high urgency (never the sweet ‘mama’, always ‘maaaaa-maaaaaaa’).

She fuels me, this little lady.

So here I sit in the coolness of the night, cradling my cup of hot chocolate, and giving thanks. To a great year gone by. To a blessed one in twenty-ten. To my baby with a perfect smile. To my husband with the biggest heart. To my Latte with the sweetest charm.

Blissed-out.

On the merry menu December 24, 2009

On the merry menu at the homeland this Christmas::

Homemade pasta with scallops

Roasted pork belly on corn with cranberry sauce

Pita pizza with spinach and mixed mushrooms

Butternut squash with bacon and asparagus

Oxtail stew in Guinness Stout

Mango cheesecake with grapefruit

***

Roasted pork belly on corn (‘Porkcorn’ the huddy says!). The huddy modified this from a Jamie Oliver recipe, using our existing spices. Oh-so-crackling-awesome. It’s his first attempt, and it wowed us. I made a cranberry sauce to go with it, and it was surprisingly so refreshing we ate it with our dessert too.

Butternut squash balls with asparagus and bacon, served in the butternut gourd. Flavourful and probably required the least toiling, save for the balling of the squash.

Mango cheesecake topped with grapefruit slices. I baked a similar one last year, and my father-in-law adored it, so it makes its appearance again this year, with slight variations, and thankfully, just as well-received.

Another year going by, another year coming on. This season hasn’t brought on the best of news for many around me, and I can’t help but feel a twinge of low somehow too.

Let’s be kind to all. Let’s forgive more. Let’s be thankful for all we’ve got. And for those we’ve lost, let’s always keep them in our thoughts.

Have a blessed Christmas, my friends.

Oh little tree December 20, 2009

The tree is finally up. Humbly small, with golden tinsels and festive red bubbles. We are adding more – Missy’s little baby booties, her rainbow socks, noisy baby rattles. It’s our scrawny little tree, done our way.

I’m panicking. So many presents to buy, so little time. There’s the Christmas dinner menu to plan, the table setting to think about. The missy’s and Latte’s dinner need some christmasy magic too.

And our wall, missing a big broad frame of my favourite picture.

I’m not quite ready for Christmas.

My boy turns three! December 18, 2009

Dear Latte,

My boy, it’s your big three today. Mommy baked you some banana pupcakes, and I saved you some for tomorrow’s dessert as well. I’ll top it with yogurt frosting again for you, since you love it so. I still owe you a birthday gift. A chew toy, or a soft one?

It must have been tough for you this year, with Missy Raeann reigning the homeland so. I know you miss our long long walks and runs together. I know you miss being the first one Mommy hugs when I get home. I know you can’t quite understand why the humans always stay in the nursery and you can’t get a paw in. I also know you are clueless why you can’t sniff Missy’s face even though it’s right in your face.

You’ll understand someday, you will. You will know how much we still love you. Remember that morning when Missy Raeann kept beckoning you to the kitchen? She saw Mommy put your food in your bowl and wanted you to have your breakfast pronto. See how much she loves you too?

You are not forgotten, Latte boy. You’re still my fuzzy, furry, funny little darling, and Missy’s best Gor Gor she can ever have.

Happy birthday, my boy!

Love,

Mommy

Melting down December 14, 2009

7 o’clock in the morning. Raeann wakes me up. And the day begins.

Breastfeeding, solids, diaper-changing. Walking, babbling, falling. I’ve lost count of the milestones along the way – she’s too fast for me. As I watch her fade into sleep at night, I think about all the things she has done in the day, and I can’t help but wish she’s awake so she can be my baby for a tad while more.

The days feel short and long all at once. I’m always packing, cleaning, cooking, cooing. She leaves behind crumbs on the seat, couscous on her feet. Books are flung around. Latte’s hair is picked up and examined. The homeland is a ruckus when she decides to do her lucky draw of bricks. My phone is magic.

She’s been walking backwards for a month or more. She’ll call out ‘Maaaa-mi’ if I ignore her pleas long enough. She’ll pack her toys back in the box after play. She’ll pick up her shoes when she wants to go out to play. She amuses the grandparents to no end with her sign language.

And just yesterday, we had our first major meltdown after 14 months. She insisted on pushing her stroller like we would our shopping trolley. Either that, or be carried by Mommy and only Mommy. She bawled the roof down at the supermarket. But I’m glad I held on to my parenting philosophy – misbehave and we’ll leave the place, you won’t get your way.

Parenting is tough, isn’t it?

But look at that face coloured by her laughs! It’s all worth it.

It’s a field day! December 6, 2009

While the mommy went for her first run in more than two years (please don’t ask the distance – it’s shameful), the missy had a rolling good time waiting for me. She bounced off the rubbery red tracks in her new pumps (very inappropriate footwear, I know, but we’re still on the hunt for something less girly), chased the birds off the velvety green, sat and squealed on daddy’s shoulders, and ran amok in the vast field. It’s the kind of run only children do – hands midway up in the air, wild waves, gleeful-faced. I watched her sprint off in her missy way in the distance, and felt immediately ashamed of how I tried to maintain poise and posture. I wasn’t enjoying my run, she was. I run because I have to lose the mommy-fat that hangs around my entire body, she runs because she wants to, she loves to. No qualms and fears about falling, about the loose strap that slides off her fleshy shoulder every second a-ticking.

That child-like free spirit is so inspiring. One day, I hope I’ll run like her (for once in my adult lifetime at least) – two arms swinging, smiling, squealing, beatific.

It’s here, December December 3, 2009

It’s so easy to be happy in December. It’s the time of the year where the rain-slicked streets glisten, and there are pretty rain dots on leaves and window panes. December smells of oh-so-lovely Christmas drinks – I have to have one every other day! My perennial favourite is still the Peppermint Mocha Frappe in a jaunty Starbucks cup, and there is nothing I love more than to slip into each joint to ogle at the merry mugs sitting on the shelves. A woman should have many mugs. One for hot coffee, one for cold coffee, one for hot tea, one for cold tea, one for iced lemonade, one for cranberry juice, one for milk, one for iced water, and many many more for sharing with the guests at the homeland. One can never have too many mugs, regardless of what the husband says.

This is also the month of bakes. My stately KitchenAid is seeing more action these days, now that work is winding down nicely. When the holidays begin, I’m going to have the kitchen smell of chocolate and cinnamon, apples and berries, tarts and jams. While waiting for the goodies to turn all brown and lovely, I’ll watch the t-shirts and dresses hanging and dancing on the poles, freshly laundered. And I’ll savour the bakes with a fresh pot of tea in my vintage teapot, with Missy Raeann next to me, munching on her vanilla arrowroot cookie.

The missy’s spending her second Christmas at the homeland. This time, as a little toddler who finds magic in every little thing. She’s a cheery one, this girl. Her days were filled with playdates, and back home, Latte boy shepherds her around so faithfully. She’s content to play house with a few Lego bricks and stacking cups. She feeds me, I feed her, she feeds the cuddlies, I feed her. Our afternoon delight.

Now she says “Da-di”, “Bear-bear”, “pear” and “booooooph” (book) in the cutest of ways. But never “Mommy”. Just “mama” or “mum-mum”, which hardly refers to me. It’s okay, this mommy will wait.

Oh, how I love December. What is your favourite thing about this month?

Of babes and bears and big butt November 23, 2009

A day of friends and food. Oh, and Christmas coffee (dark cherry mocha!) and paddles and chatter. The girlfriends share my annoyance about Chinese wedding banquets and gowns and customs. They share my love for coffee. And muffins. They don’t mind being the missy’s entourage as she goes tottering around in the mall. They don’t even mind eating her dinner.

Missy Raeann had a grand day with the babes. She was Pink Bubblebee with a butt huge like Piglet’s (because this silly Mommy gave her the regular diaper instead of the swim diaper!) after her swim in the cool waters. She wanted to roam and shop away. She probably thought the teddy bears on the cushy bed are alive. She’s coming into her own now, with whims and fancies, and occasional screams and cries. But she’s ever the sweet one, the little girl I’m so proud of.

What a beautiful Saturday. I love my girlfriends, I love my girl!

The big big girl I so so love November 16, 2009

That gait around her. That glow on her face.

On mornings when I find myself hanging on to fading dreams, I look over to her cot.

And I feel life’s all good again.

The green green grass of home November 7, 2009

Every Sunday before Raeann came along, we used to get our hands chocolatey-brown with earth, pruning and primping away on our greens. It was our weekly routine, this gardening. I liked to pretend we are farmers on the meadows, waiting for a new leaf to unfurl, a new bud to un-tighten, a new bloom to love. Latte would watch us from the inside, patiently waiting, occasionally squeezing his long snout and velvety nose between the gate grilles.

So now our baby’s here. We still garden, but never quite together. I would water, and he would carry the girl and go, “Baby, this is mint”. Or he would water, and I would carry the girl and go, “Baby, this colour is green.”

I guess, in more ways than one, we still garden together.

Can you imagine Missy Raeann carrying a little watering pot with a cute little spout, watering the greens? It’ll be one that she picks, and I’ll paint little flowers and her name on it.

One day, very soon, we’ll all garden together. Missy, huddy and me. And Latte still patiently watching.

I would cook for you all day if I could November 1, 2009

Missy Raeann has been on a sumo diet for almost two months, eating more than double her usual (which is already a lot, for those who have seen her eat). And she’s such a cherub at the dining table. She hugs, she signs ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘milk’, she smiles, and now she’s learning to wipe her mouth.

Mealtimes are merry times.

Grow, baby, grow.

Buzzing around October 23, 2009

Missy Raeann has been busy. She visited Bubbles and Aunty Corsage, and wanted to give her ang ku kueh to sweet sweet Baby Bubbles. A pity she wasn’t as generous to the boys.

It’s always nice to see newborns. And even nicer to see how newly minted mommies glow amidst fatigue.

Missy Raeann with the handsome boys, Nat and Noey @ Bubbles’ one-month party. Photo by Nat’s talented daddy.

With the yummy mummies. And wind in our hair.

And she visited her current favourite place on earth – the library. It’s funny how our little family loves to be around books. The huddy and I dated at Borders, had our wedding pictures taken there (and had so much fun with Gideon shooting there). Now the missy’s into running and squealing at the library. It’s nice, books are nice.

She wants to pull out all the books. The bigger, the better.

Then she played around with Bert and Ernie before her haircut.

Watch me drive Bert and Ernie around!

And today, she joined Kristy at the Little Gym. It’s bring-a-friend day, and we’re honoured to be Kristy’s friend! After bawling her eyes out outside the gym, the missy turned curious and became pleased as peas inside. She even did a few somersaults with the help of Aunty PF and the lovely teacher! I’m so tempted to join the class.

So the darling’s now all knocked out and only gave me a half-hearted kiss tonight.

Good night, my girl.

What goes down must come up October 17, 2009

@Teadot Iluma

I’m feeling low, because a friend is feeling so. This doesn’t feel real. It tears at my heart just thinking about it.

I’m supposed to be working, but I can’t seem to do anything but scroll through the missy’s photos and videos.

And she makes everything better. My little cheer-upper.

Roses are pink October 15, 2009

He came back home with flowers for me. In a shade of pink I so love. I like that he never buys flowers from a florist. It’s always from the wholesaler, wrapped in clear plastic. I like them this way, knowing the flowers are fresh and plentiful and cheap and I get to place them in a vase the way I like them – simple, messy, not in a posy.

“My first roses for you”, he says. And yes, it’s true. He usually gets fillers for me. I’m strange this way – the fillers like hypericums, statices, baby breaths, sweet williams and the like are my favourites. But these bright pink roses (fuchsia, he says), I love.

Milestones milestones milestones! October 12, 2009

This mommy got distracted by Facebook halfway through feeding the missy, and to get my attention, she went “Mamamamamama” while tapping on my arm!

Then, she insisted on having the bowl right in front of her, and she fed herself the rest of her dinner! (I held on tight to the porcelain bowl, but otherwise, she was on her own!)

Can you tell how excited I am?

I’m so charged with pride that I’m ending all my sentences with big exclamation marks!!!

!!!