All new (week 1) April 27, 2012

So, I did commit to my ‘all new’ endeavour. Here’s week one.

Day 1, 20 April, Friday:: New ice cream parlour. It’s good old Udders at a spanking new outlet in Thomson. The missy was all too eager to pick her flavours. She tiptoed, squashed her nose against the glass display, startled the service crew behind the counter, her eyes peering from behind her bangs. We had strawberry fields and earl grey and a monster cone for supper. The best kind of supper.

Day 2, 21 April, Saturday:: Newborn. The sweetie was still in neo-natal care as she had some amniotic fluids in her lungs. But all’s good now. A new beginning, always a blessing.

Day 3, 22 April, Sunday:: New dish, old eatery. We went back to Real Food again, this time to celebrate a dear girlfriend’s birthday. I have missed her so, that girl. And this time, I ordered something I’ve never had before here at Real Food – the calzone, and a really good vegetable salad. There’s a beetroot loaf in there, and pretty radishes. I’ve always had a thing for little radishes. The deep purplish-red trimmings and cute tiny sprouts, my kind of eye candy.

Day 4, 23 April, Monday:: New class. This is one very vocal, active, happy class. They screamed ‘yay’ when I wanted to play an icebreaker. They laughed heartily at my comments (I really don’t think I’m very funny). And they called me their “coolest facilitator”. Yay.

Day 5, 24 April, Tuesday:: New dress. I’ve never liked dresses when I was younger. (My evil friends had to sneak my jeans away so I will put on the skirt they bought for me as a birthday present in college!) I own several dresses now, and while I still don’t rock them, I like to twirl them a little just to make the missy laugh. And they make great hideouts in our hide-and-seek games with the daddy.

Day 6, 25 April, Wednesday:: New haunt. We’ve just discovered the library near our workplace! It’s got fake turf grass, giant stump of a fake tree, too-cute toadstool seats, and we spent an hour reading Dr Seuss’, looking at running kids (and I heaved many many many sighs of relief I only have one child), and being grateful I am now well enough to smell the mildly sweaty scent of Raeann’s hair.

Day 7, 26 April, Thursday:: New craft. The little missy is having Dessert Day in school on Friday, so I made her a little chef’s hat. It’s got flowers, strawberries and cherries. Everything a little girl needs.

Day 8, 27 April, Friday:: New walk route. I woke up at 6 am, to work and to walk Latte. Today, we tried a new route further away from our estate. The boy was all too delighted to step on grass and sniff new scents. People scampered by us, to rush to work, to hurry to school. We strolled by the seniors taking their morning walk, their arms taking deliberately huge swings. And I think, I’m thankful for this morning.

To more new things.

Knowing August 6, 2010

(Photo by Missy Raeann.)

I want to believe

that things will be as they should be.

That the path we took

is as right as ABC.

Sometimes I waver.

I lose sleep even.

But today, I know.

We can only be right.

I get to watch her grow

that round belly

under the pink stripes.

I get to tuck her in

and tell her stories

with her on my lap.

I live her moments,

and she, mine.

And we leap on forward,

merry as pie.

So there.

It will work out right.

I just know.

Come what may May 1, 2010

Every little piece of good news is GREAT news for freelancers. And when both the huddy and I get the same news, it is worth doing a jiggly dance. And so I did. We hugged and laughed and almost woke the little one up. What a wonderful night to round up a lovely morning of sun, sand and sea (though we certainly missed the huddy who stayed back home to nurse a cold and to catch up on grading).

May, you are looking pretty good to me.

This way to April April 13, 2010

Crayola!

It’s raining where I am now. The huddy’s working, the missy’s sleeping, and I am dreaming. For many reasons, this April is one to love.

• This month marks 18 months of breastfeeding. The day she was born, I was handed a baby who seemed to be made of strawberries – pink, soft, translucent, sweet. I fumbled over many a time, and could only seem to nurse properly under the watchful eyes and cold hands of the attending nurse. Back home, there were tears of frustration, of pain, of tender moments I dare say only new nursing mothers can understand. I was most stubborn – I refused to store formula at home because I knew I might just give in. The huddy armed himself with thick books of various nursing methods, sat by my side, dried my tears, held my hand. My heart’s wrenching up just thinking of those difficult days. Together, we made it through. Eighteen months on, and here we are, cool as can be. These days, missy imitates by putting Elmo under her dress and smacking her lips. I can’t bear to stop, so yes, it’s more breastfeeding for missy and me.

• Work is rolling in nicely for us, and while it will be a busy buzzy semester ahead, I think it will be an exciting one. More moolah certainly doesn’t hurt. It’s taken us a while to make this freelance arrangement work, and I’m really hoping this is the breakthrough we need.

• I’ve cut a fresh bob, made a pair of black frames (woody!), got myself a pair of heels (in YEARS), and finally, feeling better about how I look. Still pudgy, yes. Still far from pre-pregnancy weight, yes. But I’m at ease, and Project Downsize is commencing.

• There are playdates, beach dates, park dates, tea dates, little gym dates – so much to look forward to, so many friends to hug, so much to say.

So you see, this April’s lovely. How’s your April looking?

See how they drift on by August 22, 2009

The rewards of going to work early are aplenty.

We saw the sky doing its thing, allowing the clouds to arrange and rearrange themselves in some random yet spectacular manner.

We saw how the ridiculously neat round of palm trees nodded in the cool morning breeze, gleeful as can be.

And best of all, I got to hold the huddy’s hand before the route to campus became thronged with students.

How blessed am I to have taught them August 14, 2009

Each journal moves me in a way I didn’t quite expect. The eyes have turned misty, much to my own surprise. I’ve never felt this way before when the semesters drew to an end. The mechanics of the system leave little room for sentimentality, but how does one really say goodbye?

Let’s take it s-l-o-w April 16, 2009

I’ve got the little bubba sitting right next to me on the bed as I type away. The huddy is away on his me-time, drinking happy-hour beer and slurping ramen. There’s a soft russle of breeze coming in from the hall, the droning hum of the fan in the corner of the room, and a sense of tranquility I do not quite know how to describe. It’s rare, an afternoon like this.

The vacation break is coming to an end, and I’m excited. It makes me happy to realise that I’m psyched up about working, meeting new students, facing new challenges in a new centre. I’ll miss her dearly, but it helps to know it’s only three days away from her each week. And there’ll be an electrifying buzz of anticipation as I head back from work, knowing she’ll be in my arms again.

Tomorrow, to celebrate the birthday of a dear friend, we’re infusing the kitchen with divine scents of spices and sweets. We’re baking, we’re cooking. Always a wonderful thing to do as a couple. I can’t believe I found someone who’s into the creation of food as much as I do. Now, I’m happy to tinker with my batter and doilies, while he gets himself dirty and smelly with all things garlicky and oniony. A few years later, I’ll take the little missy fabric-shopping – for her handmade apron! I know she’ll be one fine helper and the perfect companion in the kitchen.

And you know you’re a contented soul when mushy funky poop of spinach and barley cereal doesn’t even get to you.

I love the magic of languid days.

The days these days June 1, 2008

So we did a little of museum-hopping with the in-laws yesterday. I thought I could manage some three museums, but I gave up after the National Museum and the Peranakan Museum, which I love by the way, but it does fall short of my expectations. Nothing beats the experience at the old Peranakan Place more than a decade back.

I like that the day was a little wet, but not drippy enough to dull the mood. Dear Superstar and Robin dropped by the night before and we talked and laughed lots. She gave me a pretty white straw bag as my belated birthday present, and I couldn’t wait to don it for a Saturday day out with the folks. One of my besties, she sure knows me well.

After they left, I did some quick reading of my students’ reflection journals, and I smiled (and smiled and smiled and smiled). These youths are sweet little things. You know, I think I can do this for a long long time. I love this job, these youths, more than I ever think I would. So, this is what they call job satisfaction.

And my boy. Lying at my feet as I am writing this. The white cotton candy fur around his neck. His velvet muzzle poking at my big toe. The brown eyes looking up at me when I call his name. Mummy, when are you bringing me out for a walk? Later, darling, later. When the sun is down, when the sky is pink. Then we will go a-romping and do some butterfly chasing.

I must write more. I must.

he turns twenty-nine this eighth of may May 12, 2008

it’s amazingly coincidental how we got a common class out of the 175 classes. And since it’s no secret by now that we are man and wife, I went ahead to plot. What started as a simple plan for a birthday song with a small cake to mark his last year of twenty’s-hood, became a full-fledged surprise colourful celebration by the dear class. Through the wonders of IM, they had a whole script going on.

“Sir, I have a stomachache!” -> Boy with fake stomachache ran to hostel to collect the cake he bought the previous night -> “I’ll go and see how he is!” -> Girl brought lighter to boy with fake stomachache -> Boy and Girl lit up candle outside the classroom -> Boy and Girl saw no sign of me and decided to go ahead with the birthday song -> Class sang song to a bewildered huddy who was simply clueless -> Big present given, and a crown put on his head -> I arrived -> They put a tiara on my head -> We sang the birthday song again, cut the cake -> Huddy opened the present (t-shirt, soft toy dog, voice-recordable bear – these cute youths!) -> Two seats were prepared for the ‘king and queen’ (so hilarious!) -> Photo-taking like it was the last day of school (112 photos in an afternoon!)

We had so much fun. There was so much laughter. Just to sweeten things up even more, we ran off and bought them sweets and chocolates. It was a day to remember. For him, for me, for all of us. I’m so loving my time in school.

there’s always a first April 10, 2008

really, i thought this day would never come. after all, this pregnancy has been treating me good, as least according to the books. but there i have it – my first puke. mostly guava juice, nothing messy, but still yeeky. with three days of facilitation work and just one indulgence of good old nasi lemak (oh so glorious but how i regret it!), the itchy-scratchy throat is also here to stay. i’m looking like a wreck today. so i’m eternally thankful for the huge lashings of rain in the afternoon, the always-sweet messages from the huddy, the latte boy who keeps me company, the students with their kind, candid reflection journals, and just a lazy, long and languid day to myself. baby, be good.

i still like christmas February 8, 2008

the days are so full. i’m like a duck in water sometimes, calmly swimming on the surface, struggling beneath. the undercurrent of fluster sometimes overwhelms me. and it spills over to the huddy. i’m going to let myself move in a more languid pace when it comes to work. that should be good.

it certainly helps that i have chummy catch-ups over moroccan delish and haji lane shopping. i’m going to miss the babe so. there’s also wonderful news springing in from one of the besties that has me smiling for a good long while. on the home front, latte is his usual incredible self. my mummy even wants to give him an angbao. you know, he is undoubtedly more deserving of it than any kids we know. so now, i’ll cook him a special dinner before our long-awaited dinner date with the queks.

happy chinese new year. please remind me to take down my christmas tree and stockings.

at the end of the day, it’s still pretty good February 1, 2008

it’s the end of january. gone just like that, and not bringing the warm wind along with it. so february comes and we get bumblebee-busy. the downside of working from home is having no proper working hours, often much longer than i would have liked. sometimes i have unreasonable, maybe even unattainable expectations, and i push myself just that bit harder so that tomorrow will be an easier day. the huddy calls me a slave-driver, oh no. i’m now obsessed with the little stickies on my dashboard, in different random colours to denote the different days of different work lists. what pleasure it is to claim them done. i’m a to-do-list girl, no doubt about that.

it’s full throttle these days. i’m thinking, a little adrenalin is good for my all-too-well-rested soul. but now i’m really beat. and there are many more of these manic days ahead. on the upside, it’s more exciting than nauseating. i don’t know if i’m capable of it all, but i’m trying. things are a little fragmented now, but i bear hope. i let myself believe i’ve a little wonderwoman in me. a girl needs her fantasy.

besides getting wild-haired and overfed, there’s strength in knowing a dear goblin is coming home and we are going to have tea tea tea and more tea. the huddy has been generous in his quirky affection. we send emails to each other. we instant-message. and all along, he sits right across me at the dining table and i could catch his wink. yesterday, after our product photoshoot, i arranged some yam-coloured roses in a white vase for the mummy-in-law and she smiled and showed them off to the daddy-in-law. the huddy bought me a pair of earrings made by my talented sis-in-law and her boy. we have long neighbourly chats with the hos. latte sneaks up on me from under the table and rubs his wet nose on my thigh to say hello, take a break, play with me.

some things are small, but still worth counting.

i can’t ask for a better start to the year January 5, 2008

it was a good week.

the huddy and i were accepted into the same part-time job (yippee!), and were somehow grouped into the same foundation course. three days gone by, three more to go. the best course i have ever had, i must say. a big eye-opener, with a philosophy i finally resonated with. and with fabulous colleagues who have achieved so much, and remained so humble, this is a place i wouldn’t even mind working full-time in. it feels amazing.

the coursemates asked how we could stand running a man-and-wife business. i laughed and said i love it. and the huddy couldn’t see what was so bad about it. after all, the two years in the same workplace was a more-than-pleasant professional affair. our partnership has brought out the best in us, and really, i can’t think of a better person to work with than my beloved husband.

homecoming from the course has been a grand affair. latte went a little berserk with joy. he couldn’t decide who to hug first, so he went shuttle-running from the huddy to me, from me to the huddy, from the huddy to his toys, from his toys to me. so achingly funny. it pains me to leave latte alone at home for nine hours. i am almost tempted to head back home during the long lunch break. i should probably propose a day care for dogs (ok, babies too) at the workplace. it’s better than daydreaming that i can shrink him and put him in my pocket.

to make the week greater, the greens at home are growing so gorgeously. the bittergourd plant has flowered! a petite yellow bloom that smells like sweet jasmine. and there are tiny tight buds all over the curly twining vine. just twinkling merrily in the light breeze.

this week was good. so very good.

give me a five November 22, 2007

i don’t like being bumble-bee-busy, but there is a sort of thrilling buzz in the air when things start brewing. gently, but surely. i would like to call myself a businesswoman in pyjamas. finally, it’s perfectly ok to make calls and read legal documents in my fbt shorts and crinkly-crumply singlet. it’s alright to have a game of bejeweled 2 while waiting for a human voice to finally pick up my call. it’s even ok to have an afternoon siesta because i finished my work faster than expected. so this must be what they call work-life balance. and i’ve got myself an exciting part-time job in april that i can’t wait to start. i did a happy punch dance when i got the news, made latte startle, then i made the bewildered boy dance with me. it’s our jocular mummy-and-son dance.

there is much to be done the next few months. there is much to be learnt everyday. i’m a little adrenalized. nothing like some work-high to make up for my loss of productivity in all areas of my life these days.

i’m ready.

go green, and grin November 15, 2007

relief teaching after the examinations is like eating sorbet on a warm afternoon. the heat is left behind. only the cool refreshing aftertaste lingers in the air. everyone smiles. priceless, you know?

yesterday, i declared today as the class’s green day. they were to bring recyclable materials from their home for mini handmade projects to give away to their classmates or teachers. the response was overwhelming, much to my pleasant surprise. almost amusing. small and sprightly, they brought boxes and bags of materials bigger than themselves (and i thought i’ll be the biggest contributor with my treasures from my own recycling corner at home). i’ve never seen the class in such serious action besides in their uno games (played with self-invented rules i so want to over-rule). and serious kids make for graceful, beautiful kids. the only smudge in the day was the dirtier-than-dirty classroom, which took a full period and many pairs of tiny hands to clean up. my loot for the day:: toilet rolls wrapped up in magazine paper (because i said to try making 3D cards), mutilated egg trays (for growing small teeny-weeny sunflower plants, they say), pop-up cards spread so generously with white glue (because i said to make sure they don’t drop off), assorted paper cuttings from two uncraftsy-but-very-chinese-chessy boys (because i said their first attempt was nice, they made me hundreds). and best of all, many momentous moments in the company of young hearts brimming with sweet innocence.

give the boy a paw October 18, 2007

 biz skype call, dim sum brunch with the folks, and more biz talk as we strolled hand in hand, knocking ideas off each other. we shared a grande maple latte, so pretty-sounding i will forgive it for being this sweet. i fell asleep at the cafe when i’m supposed to be working. slush. working from home requires so much more discipline than i thought.

on home news, latte boy turns ten months old today. the little charmer looks constantly behind for me when he walks with the huddy in front, especially after traffic junctions. such sweet warm canine love for his alter-mama, i am melting like sticky chewy chocolate ice cream. i told the folks of my plan to organise a birthday party for my boy when he turns one in december. and they laughed. i’m serious, you know.

no need for presents. just your love and blessings for our darling boy who almost didnt make it past four months. a little pawshake would do perfect.

when it’s all over September 29, 2007

i wouldn’t say i love it, but i’m glad i did it. it’s always a joy to bear testimony to the cheekiness of youth, the fairest of faces. but somehow, some smiles were lost, somewhere. maybe it’s the grey hues of exams. or maybe, students today are just different from students of yester-days. i remember school days as mirthful days. even with the onslaught of common tests and exams. i learnt to spell ‘diarrhoea’ through my plethora of letters accounting for my absence, and chuckled when i handed the letters to the pokerface form teacher. because i knew she knew the letters were self-written, self-signed, and she had gotten a dozen of similar looking letters from everyone else. she knew when to let go, when to hand-hold. and she has my utmost respect for that. i wanted so much to be like one of those cool teachers i had. but the brevity of the three weeks allowed none of those funky, spunky ideals. so it’s a stop-yakking-listen-to-me-teach routine. very un-me, but so necessary. i’ve learned. i’ve probably even grown. and i hope they have too.

now, i’m savouring the night. i like when the sounds get amplified, the emotions get romanticised. and tomorrow, i shall wake up to the smell of late-morning sunshine, the sound of the garang guni man horning, and the touch of the huddy’s warm body next to me. and i want to laugh at his hair tousled from sleep.

singing the blues September 16, 2007

it was a pizza and miso soup dinner,

with march of the penguins,

tuned in low on the mac,

hauntingly awesome.

you know how some things feel so right,

like how my head just pillowed,

in the curve of his arm,

sweetly mine.

like how my hands get dirty with brown earth,

just so the garden greens get greener.

i know the daisies will bloom,

soon enough.

the thought of waking before dawn is daunting,

and i want to breathe in sunday,

never say howdy to the long,

arduous monday.

even relief teaching brings with it litany of stress,

so i’m going to put on my preppy brown dress,

with the light golden pumps,

swinging ensemble.

my little odd comforting thought tonight,

is eating a big breakfast of rye bread,

and peanut butter with chocolate,

maybe yakult.

now, i just want to cuddle, cocoon, cave in.

morning glory September 10, 2007

this morning, i saw the breaking of dawn. a rarity for me. it wasn’t as beautiful as i remembered it to be, but it was still serene. rose and tangerine with soft street lights. a very pretty sight. a pity i was so sleepy. i put on a ms kho cap today. it’s my first day of the three-week relief teaching stint. the teachers call me mrs au yong (km probably doesn’t know my maiden name). i feel a familiar surge of joy, but it sounds almost comical in a work setting. so i cleaned away mrs au yong on the white board. ms kho it shall be.

yesterday

huddy:: let’s go to the supermarket.

wifey:: but we’ve just stocked up the fridge!

huddy:: i want to bake you muffins for your breakfast tomorrow.

i melted. we’ve eleven more doughnuts at home, left over from saturday’s gathering. so the muffins must wait. but i can so taste the sweetness already. this morning, he woke up before me and planted a cheery morning kiss on my lips. at five-thirty in the morning, he pounded fresh black pepper, and made me an awesome tomato cheese omelette.

i love you from the bottom of our crusty pan.

it just keeps getting better July 27, 2007

it’s good to be home. it’s even good-er to know that we can be based back at home on this island. staying put, not moving. working from home has always been my dream, and now it’s coming true. i meant to write a long post, but the good-est hubby has surprised me with harry potter and the deathly hallows. so i’m off to the magical world. i’ll be back to reality soon and get down to work, i promise.