The rewards of going to work early are aplenty.
We saw the sky doing its thing, allowing the clouds to arrange and rearrange themselves in some random yet spectacular manner.
We saw how the ridiculously neat round of palm trees nodded in the cool morning breeze, gleeful as can be.
And best of all, I got to hold the huddy’s hand before the route to campus became thronged with students.
Each journal moves me in a way I didn’t quite expect. The eyes have turned misty, much to my own surprise. I’ve never felt this way before when the semesters drew to an end. The mechanics of the system leave little room for sentimentality, but how does one really say goodbye?
I’ve got the little bubba sitting right next to me on the bed as I type away. The huddy is away on his me-time, drinking happy-hour beer and slurping ramen. There’s a soft russle of breeze coming in from the hall, the droning hum of the fan in the corner of the room, and a sense of tranquility I do not quite know how to describe. It’s rare, an afternoon like this.
The vacation break is coming to an end, and I’m excited. It makes me happy to realise that I’m psyched up about working, meeting new students, facing new challenges in a new centre. I’ll miss her dearly, but it helps to know it’s only three days away from her each week. And there’ll be an electrifying buzz of anticipation as I head back from work, knowing she’ll be in my arms again.
Tomorrow, to celebrate the birthday of a dear friend, we’re infusing the kitchen with divine scents of spices and sweets. We’re baking, we’re cooking. Always a wonderful thing to do as a couple. I can’t believe I found someone who’s into the creation of food as much as I do. Now, I’m happy to tinker with my batter and doilies, while he gets himself dirty and smelly with all things garlicky and oniony. A few years later, I’ll take the little missy fabric-shopping – for her handmade apron! I know she’ll be one fine helper and the perfect companion in the kitchen.
And you know you’re a contented soul when mushy funky poop of spinach and barley cereal doesn’t even get to you.
I love the magic of languid days.
So we did a little of museum-hopping with the in-laws yesterday. I thought I could manage some three museums, but I gave up after the National Museum and the Peranakan Museum, which I love by the way, but it does fall short of my expectations. Nothing beats the experience at the old Peranakan Place more than a decade back.
I like that the day was a little wet, but not drippy enough to dull the mood. Dear Superstar and Robin dropped by the night before and we talked and laughed lots. She gave me a pretty white straw bag as my belated birthday present, and I couldn’t wait to don it for a Saturday day out with the folks. One of my besties, she sure knows me well.
After they left, I did some quick reading of my students’ reflection journals, and I smiled (and smiled and smiled and smiled). These youths are sweet little things. You know, I think I can do this for a long long time. I love this job, these youths, more than I ever think I would. So, this is what they call job satisfaction.
And my boy. Lying at my feet as I am writing this. The white cotton candy fur around his neck. His velvet muzzle poking at my big toe. The brown eyes looking up at me when I call his name. Mummy, when are you bringing me out for a walk? Later, darling, later. When the sun is down, when the sky is pink. Then we will go a-romping and do some butterfly chasing.
I must write more. I must.
it’s amazingly coincidental how we got a common class out of the 175 classes. And since it’s no secret by now that we are man and wife, I went ahead to plot. What started as a simple plan for a birthday song with a small cake to mark his last year of twenty’s-hood, became a full-fledged surprise colourful celebration by the dear class. Through the wonders of IM, they had a whole script going on.
“Sir, I have a stomachache!” -> Boy with fake stomachache ran to hostel to collect the cake he bought the previous night -> “I’ll go and see how he is!” -> Girl brought lighter to boy with fake stomachache -> Boy and Girl lit up candle outside the classroom -> Boy and Girl saw no sign of me and decided to go ahead with the birthday song -> Class sang song to a bewildered huddy who was simply clueless -> Big present given, and a crown put on his head -> I arrived -> They put a tiara on my head -> We sang the birthday song again, cut the cake -> Huddy opened the present (t-shirt, soft toy dog, voice-recordable bear – these cute youths!) -> Two seats were prepared for the ‘king and queen’ (so hilarious!) -> Photo-taking like it was the last day of school (112 photos in an afternoon!)
We had so much fun. There was so much laughter. Just to sweeten things up even more, we ran off and bought them sweets and chocolates. It was a day to remember. For him, for me, for all of us. I’m so loving my time in school.
really, i thought this day would never come. after all, this pregnancy has been treating me good, as least according to the books. but there i have it – my first puke. mostly guava juice, nothing messy, but still yeeky. with three days of facilitation work and just one indulgence of good old nasi lemak (oh so glorious but how i regret it!), the itchy-scratchy throat is also here to stay. i’m looking like a wreck today. so i’m eternally thankful for the huge lashings of rain in the afternoon, the always-sweet messages from the huddy, the latte boy who keeps me company, the students with their kind, candid reflection journals, and just a lazy, long and languid day to myself. baby, be good.
the days are so full. i’m like a duck in water sometimes, calmly swimming on the surface, struggling beneath. the undercurrent of fluster sometimes overwhelms me. and it spills over to the huddy. i’m going to let myself move in a more languid pace when it comes to work. that should be good.
it certainly helps that i have chummy catch-ups over moroccan delish and haji lane shopping. i’m going to miss the babe so. there’s also wonderful news springing in from one of the besties that has me smiling for a good long while. on the home front, latte is his usual incredible self. my mummy even wants to give him an angbao. you know, he is undoubtedly more deserving of it than any kids we know. so now, i’ll cook him a special dinner before our long-awaited dinner date with the queks.
happy chinese new year. please remind me to take down my christmas tree and stockings.
it’s the end of january. gone just like that, and not bringing the warm wind along with it. so february comes and we get bumblebee-busy. the downside of working from home is having no proper working hours, often much longer than i would have liked. sometimes i have unreasonable, maybe even unattainable expectations, and i push myself just that bit harder so that tomorrow will be an easier day. the huddy calls me a slave-driver, oh no. i’m now obsessed with the little stickies on my dashboard, in different random colours to denote the different days of different work lists. what pleasure it is to claim them done. i’m a to-do-list girl, no doubt about that.
it’s full throttle these days. i’m thinking, a little adrenalin is good for my all-too-well-rested soul. but now i’m really beat. and there are many more of these manic days ahead. on the upside, it’s more exciting than nauseating. i don’t know if i’m capable of it all, but i’m trying. things are a little fragmented now, but i bear hope. i let myself believe i’ve a little wonderwoman in me. a girl needs her fantasy.
besides getting wild-haired and overfed, there’s strength in knowing a dear goblin is coming home and we are going to have tea tea tea and more tea. the huddy has been generous in his quirky affection. we send emails to each other. we instant-message. and all along, he sits right across me at the dining table and i could catch his wink. yesterday, after our product photoshoot, i arranged some yam-coloured roses in a white vase for the mummy-in-law and she smiled and showed them off to the daddy-in-law. the huddy bought me a pair of earrings made by my talented sis-in-law and her boy. we have long neighbourly chats with the hos. latte sneaks up on me from under the table and rubs his wet nose on my thigh to say hello, take a break, play with me.
some things are small, but still worth counting.
the huddy and i were accepted into the same part-time job (yippee!), and were somehow grouped into the same foundation course. three days gone by, three more to go. the best course i have ever had, i must say. a big eye-opener, with a philosophy i finally resonated with. and with fabulous colleagues who have achieved so much, and remained so humble, this is a place i wouldn’t even mind working full-time in. it feels amazing.
the coursemates asked how we could stand running a man-and-wife business. i laughed and said i love it. and the huddy couldn’t see what was so bad about it. after all, the two years in the same workplace was a more-than-pleasant professional affair. our partnership has brought out the best in us, and really, i can’t think of a better person to work with than my beloved husband.
homecoming from the course has been a grand affair. latte went a little berserk with joy. he couldn’t decide who to hug first, so he went shuttle-running from the huddy to me, from me to the huddy, from the huddy to his toys, from his toys to me. so achingly funny. it pains me to leave latte alone at home for nine hours. i am almost tempted to head back home during the long lunch break. i should probably propose a day care for dogs (ok, babies too) at the workplace. it’s better than daydreaming that i can shrink him and put him in my pocket.
to make the week greater, the greens at home are growing so gorgeously. the bittergourd plant has flowered! a petite yellow bloom that smells like sweet jasmine. and there are tiny tight buds all over the curly twining vine. just twinkling merrily in the light breeze.
this week was good. so very good.
i don’t like being bumble-bee-busy, but there is a sort of thrilling buzz in the air when things start brewing. gently, but surely. i would like to call myself a businesswoman in pyjamas. finally, it’s perfectly ok to make calls and read legal documents in my fbt shorts and crinkly-crumply singlet. it’s alright to have a game of bejeweled 2 while waiting for a human voice to finally pick up my call. it’s even ok to have an afternoon siesta because i finished my work faster than expected. so this must be what they call work-life balance. and i’ve got myself an exciting part-time job in april that i can’t wait to start. i did a happy punch dance when i got the news, made latte startle, then i made the bewildered boy dance with me. it’s our jocular mummy-and-son dance.
there is much to be done the next few months. there is much to be learnt everyday. i’m a little adrenalized. nothing like some work-high to make up for my loss of productivity in all areas of my life these days.
i’m ready.
relief teaching after the examinations is like eating sorbet on a warm afternoon. the heat is left behind. only the cool refreshing aftertaste lingers in the air. everyone smiles. priceless, you know?
yesterday, i declared today as the class’s green day. they were to bring recyclable materials from their home for mini handmade projects to give away to their classmates or teachers. the response was overwhelming, much to my pleasant surprise. almost amusing. small and sprightly, they brought boxes and bags of materials bigger than themselves (and i thought i’ll be the biggest contributor with my treasures from my own recycling corner at home). i’ve never seen the class in such serious action besides in their uno games (played with self-invented rules i so want to over-rule). and serious kids make for graceful, beautiful kids. the only smudge in the day was the dirtier-than-dirty classroom, which took a full period and many pairs of tiny hands to clean up. my loot for the day:: toilet rolls wrapped up in magazine paper (because i said to try making 3D cards), mutilated egg trays (for growing small teeny-weeny sunflower plants, they say), pop-up cards spread so generously with white glue (because i said to make sure they don’t drop off), assorted paper cuttings from two uncraftsy-but-very-chinese-chessy boys (because i said their first attempt was nice, they made me hundreds). and best of all, many momentous moments in the company of young hearts brimming with sweet innocence.
biz skype call, dim sum brunch with the folks, and more biz talk as we strolled hand in hand, knocking ideas off each other. we shared a grande maple latte, so pretty-sounding i will forgive it for being this sweet. i fell asleep at the cafe when i’m supposed to be working. slush. working from home requires so much more discipline than i thought.
on home news, latte boy turns ten months old today. the little charmer looks constantly behind for me when he walks with the huddy in front, especially after traffic junctions. such sweet warm canine love for his alter-mama, i am melting like sticky chewy chocolate ice cream. i told the folks of my plan to organise a birthday party for my boy when he turns one in december. and they laughed. i’m serious, you know.
no need for presents. just your love and blessings for our darling boy who almost didnt make it past four months. a little pawshake would do perfect.
i wouldn’t say i love it, but i’m glad i did it. it’s always a joy to bear testimony to the cheekiness of youth, the fairest of faces. but somehow, some smiles were lost, somewhere. maybe it’s the grey hues of exams. or maybe, students today are just different from students of yester-days. i remember school days as mirthful days. even with the onslaught of common tests and exams. i learnt to spell ‘diarrhoea’ through my plethora of letters accounting for my absence, and chuckled when i handed the letters to the pokerface form teacher. because i knew she knew the letters were self-written, self-signed, and she had gotten a dozen of similar looking letters from everyone else. she knew when to let go, when to hand-hold. and she has my utmost respect for that. i wanted so much to be like one of those cool teachers i had. but the brevity of the three weeks allowed none of those funky, spunky ideals. so it’s a stop-yakking-listen-to-me-teach routine. very un-me, but so necessary. i’ve learned. i’ve probably even grown. and i hope they have too.
now, i’m savouring the night. i like when the sounds get amplified, the emotions get romanticised. and tomorrow, i shall wake up to the smell of late-morning sunshine, the sound of the garang guni man horning, and the touch of the huddy’s warm body next to me. and i want to laugh at his hair tousled from sleep.
it was a pizza and miso soup dinner,
with march of the penguins,
tuned in low on the mac,
hauntingly awesome.
you know how some things feel so right,
like how my head just pillowed,
in the curve of his arm,
sweetly mine.
like how my hands get dirty with brown earth,
just so the garden greens get greener.
i know the daisies will bloom,
soon enough.
the thought of waking before dawn is daunting,
and i want to breathe in sunday,
never say howdy to the long,
arduous monday.
even relief teaching brings with it litany of stress,
so i’m going to put on my preppy brown dress,
with the light golden pumps,
swinging ensemble.
my little odd comforting thought tonight,
is eating a big breakfast of rye bread,
and peanut butter with chocolate,
maybe yakult.
now, i just want to cuddle, cocoon, cave in.
this morning, i saw the breaking of dawn. a rarity for me. it wasn’t as beautiful as i remembered it to be, but it was still serene. rose and tangerine with soft street lights. a very pretty sight. a pity i was so sleepy. i put on a ms kho cap today. it’s my first day of the three-week relief teaching stint. the teachers call me mrs au yong (km probably doesn’t know my maiden name). i feel a familiar surge of joy, but it sounds almost comical in a work setting. so i cleaned away mrs au yong on the white board. ms kho it shall be.
yesterday
huddy:: let’s go to the supermarket.
wifey:: but we’ve just stocked up the fridge!
huddy:: i want to bake you muffins for your breakfast tomorrow.
i melted. we’ve eleven more doughnuts at home, left over from saturday’s gathering. so the muffins must wait. but i can so taste the sweetness already. this morning, he woke up before me and planted a cheery morning kiss on my lips. at five-thirty in the morning, he pounded fresh black pepper, and made me an awesome tomato cheese omelette.
i love you from the bottom of our crusty pan.
the tedium of shopping, of brainstorming, of thinking, was welcoming after a long hiatus. we completed the night with yet another botak jones dinner just ten minutes’ walk away. from being ravenously hungry to unbearably overstuffed, i really shouldnt be upkeeping such a lifestyle. but this toa payoh north joint is probably going to be our new haunt. spiced fries, homemade tartar, beer on the tap. and i can go in my shorts and glasses and still feel so right. bishan totally rocks.
side dish. there is much going on, and i have the cousin to thank. the excitement is tingling right into my bones.
dear h went through great pains to make sure i’m the first and only one in singapore to have this book. i could only say thanks, but i knew then, that i loved this place, adored these friends more than i could ever imagine. she wrote this that made me ache so:
“how will i miss thee,
let me start the count…
when the felines are near n around,
when robinsons’ on discount,
when gahmen plans for SLs,
but mostly, we’ll miss you,
when we’re having fun and
you’re not in ghim moh town.”
i reread their notes a million times over, and my heart still goes scritch scritch scritch. no more humdrum of work, of daily routine, of weekly scheduling. i should be excited. but now, i’m missing this place where encouragement and endearment exchanged around.
this is it. it really is. i said my byes, i hugged the friends, i cried my tears. i saw her tear, but i held back mine. then when alone in the office, sending out that last handover list email, the heart got a little displaced, and the tears came rolling down.
